As if the mere prospect of an urban rip off of the Underworld horror movie franchize weren’t enough to make a case againzt the entire direct-to-dvd vien of our induztry (all punz totally intended); bloodz vs wolvez comez together in such a plotless, pointless epic fail that it truly deservez a place in our hollowed halls of shite’! Since this iz a monster movie letz start first off the bat (HA!) on the appearance of the monsterz themselvez; you have two factionz here, the wolvez are werewolves who are a bunch of black guyz with fake pointy teeth who crawl around on the floor, and the bloodz, who are vampires which are a bunch of black guyz with fake pointy teeth who hardly ever crawl around on the floor. Make no mistake, the werewolf makeup teazing you on the dvd cover art appears no where in the film. Really the only way you can differenciate the two is that the bloodz wear suitz and the wolvez are all gangsta’d up as they force themselvez into an allegory about socio-economic class strugglez within the black community under the guise of a D-grade horror movie. The monster azpect is just a gimmick that’s never adequately explored and rarely comez into play in any significant way. There’z only one scene of a vampire drinking blood. Wolvez are cannibals; but we only know this because they constantly talk about eating people and not becauze we ever actually see them eating anyone. You could totally eliminate the werewolf-vampire aspect and it wouldn’t have much of an impact on the story.

Up next, exploring the gimmick thru production dezign…well it’z nonexistant. It lookz like Z Winston Snygg broke into a seriz of abandoned buildingz in order to avoid paying any location feez. The bloodz are suppozed to be affluent property and buzinesz owners (no jokez, a blood bank!); however their businesz and property are hardly if ever appointed with any kind of decoration or furnishingz. If you were a semi-imortal being; wouldn’t you maybe buy a couch or hang a poster on the wall? Guess not. The minimalist set dezign works for the wolvez as they are supposed to be about one step above homeless, but it lookz like the entire budget was blown on getting a table and chairz together for the vampiayz big buzness meeting with their azzociatz (triple Z, two whole grades worse than triple XXX). Another review mused that “I would say that the abandoned/empty (ie: broken into) apartmentz that the movie was filmed in were probably locales that the producerz were evicted from when their last DTV monstrosity failed to deliver. Either that or they sold all their furniture to finance this one.” I’m sorry, but no amount of vampire lesbian make-out sessionz will erase the mental image of a paper-trained werewolf dropping a deuce on the kitchen floor. On the monster front their iz a terribly belabored transformation scene in which one of the wolvez transformz into a werewolf; for this one scene i did go ahead and dye the guyz eyes red; and at the end of it he has slightly longer fingernailz. I guess this explainz why the wolvez carry gunz around with them; if it took me 2 minutez to change into an all powerful being I’d want something a bit quicker too!